


Indigestion

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-17
Updated: 2009-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guy and Marian have terrible nightmares. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indigestion

**Author's Note:**

> Normally, I have a mature internal editor that keeps my inner, hormonal teenager at bay. Unfortunately, my internal editor is on vacation this week and said inner teenager went on a rampage. Things went really wrong really fast and both Guy and Marian are a little out of character (even for me,) but it made me giggle and I hope it'll make you giggle, too. :)

"Marian! Wake up!" Guy yelled, tapping his wife gently as she laid in bed next to him, rocking back and forth and groaning loudly. "Marian!"

Marian's eyes suddenly shot open and focused in on Guy. She shrieked loudly at the sight of him.

"Marian, it's okay! It's me!" Guy told her, calmly rubbing his hand on her face. 

She stared back at him, her eyes welling up with large tears. "Oh, Guy!" She wailed, burying her head into his chest, "I had the most horrid nightmare!"

"It's alright. It was just a dream." He said, hugging her gently.

"I know, but it felt so real! We were in the holy land together, and Robin was there and King Richard was there. You were going to kill the King, so I stood in front of you to stop you and for some very odd and completely unknown reason, I told you that I was in love with Robin and that I was going to marry him. That alone was horrifying enough. But then..." Marian's bottom lip began to quiver, "You stabbed me with your sword!"

Guy stared down at her strangely. "But, I do that every night, my love. You said you liked it."

"No, not _that_ 'sword.' Your other sword. You killed meeeee..." She cried pitifully. "And then, before I died, I married Robin! I mean, I didn't really have a choice considering I was lying there with a sword sticking out of me. It was so horrible, Guy!"

"Oh, Marian," Guy hugged her tightly, and bit his lip. "I love you and you know I would never do anything to hurt you."  
"You burned down my house that time." Marian reminded him.  
"Yes, in a moment of pure idiocy on my part and for that I am truly sorry. You are more than welcome to take your revenge on me. Perhaps a good spanking?" Guy winked at her. "Please?"

Marian giggled through her loud sobs. Guy kissed her sweetly on her forehead.

"You are my life blood, Marian - my reason for being. Without you, I would wither and die. I have made mistakes and I do have some issues, but I would never kill you. Ever." He told her softly.

Marian pulled away from his chest and wiped her teary eyes. She then kissed Guy as passionately as she could. Wrapping her arms around his strong chest, she attempted to straddle him, but stopped as soon as her knee made contact with the bed beside him.

_Squish._

Marian's eyes shot open and quickly looked down to her knee. She pulled away from Guy, who still had his eyes closed and his lips puckered, blissfully unaware that the wonderful, passionate kiss had ended.

"Guy?" She asked him, "Why is the bed wet?"

Guy finally opened his eyes and stared at her sadly. He then turned his head away from her in shame.

"I...uh...I had a nightmare, too." He stammered.

Quickly, Marian pulled back their blanket, noticing that Guy's black, linen britches and the bed around him were quite damp.

"Oh, Guy!" She exclaimed, partially sympathetic to his nightmare and partially annoyed that she would have to clean their linens yet again. Guy never would let the servants wash their bed linens after an "accident."

"It was horrible, Marian. Perhaps not as horrible as your nightmare, but it was still quite terrible."   
"What happened?" Marian asked.  
"I dreamt I met Prince John." Guy replied, looking horrified.  
"But, I would've thought that you'd have enjoyed that." Marian told him.  
"I did...at first, but then things became strange." Guy sighed, "At one point, he grabbed my face and began to move in close, eyeing me like I was a piece of meat. I...I thought he was going to kiss me!"  
"Did he?" Asked Marian.  
"No, I woke up before anything happened. But then, I thought of something: he's royalty. He can do anything he wants to anyone and there isn't a thing they can do about it. What if my dream was some sort of warning? What if he comes to Nottingham and wants to have his way with me?" Guy began to sniffle and his eyes teared up. "I DON'T WANNA BE PRINCE JOHN'S PERSONAL MAN-BITCH!"  
"It's alright, my love. I do not think you have to worry. I doubt the prince will ever visit Nottingham and make anyone here his man-bitch. Especially not you - even if you are an incredible kisser." Marian told him lovingly as he sobbed heavily on her shoulder. "Would Pudsey make you feel better?"

Guy nodded yes, still sobbing. Marian leaned over and tugged on the drawer on Guy's nighttable. Reaching her hand in, she pulled out a bright yellow stuffed bear. She handed the bear to her husband, who cuddled him tightly as if the bear were made of precious gold. 

Marian rubbed her hand gently on Guy's face before getting up. She walked over to their chest of drawers and pulled out a clean pair of britches for Guy. Handing them to her husband, who stood up to put them on, Marian fetched a blanket and placed it over the wet spot on the bed.

Guy sniffled, and kissed Pudsey on his head. He then carefully placed the bear back inside the drawer of his nighttable and sat down on the blanket-covered bed.

"Such terrible dreams," Guy mused, wiping his teary eyes, "I wonder where they came from?"  
"Indigestion, probably." Marian replied, sitting down next to her husband.  
"Indigestion?" Guy questioned.  
"We had cake before bed." Answered Marian.  
"Oh yes, cake." Said Guy, "That was very good cake."  
"I believe there is still some left, if you are hungry." She told him.  
"I really don't think I could handle another nightmare tonight."  
"True. And I don't think the bed can handle anymore _fluid_ , either." Marian giggled. 

Guy eyed her in shock, his cheeks turning red. Marian smiled at him sweetly and wrapped her arm around him.

"Of course,we don't have to go to bed right after we have cake, though. There are other things we can do in the meantime, my love...like chess, checkers and... _ahem...swordplay_." She said, winking at him playfully.

Guy's eyes grew large with excitement and he cracked a lop-sided grin.

"I'll get the cake." He told her, leaping off the bed and heading for the bedchamber door.  
"I'll get the paddle." Marian whispered, grinning from ear to ear.  
Guy froze. "What did you say?"

Marian smiled back at him mischievously. "Nothing, dear."


End file.
